The first time I agreed to go to a playgroup, I was absolutely terrified. I pictured myself sitting on the couch, covered in baby spit-up, talking loudly about diaper brands over the shrieks of unruly toddlers running in circles around me.
Wasn’t I made for more than this? I thought to myself as I arrived at the door.
When I entered the house, there was definitely a little chaos. However, I found that the terrible image I’d created in my mind was perhaps slightly exaggerated. In fact, it was quite nice to see other moms and to discuss the issues we all were facing. While I personally prefer one-on-one playdates more than a group, I’ve come to appreciate how indispensable my mom friends are.
They encourage me. They support me. They pick me up when I literally can’t stand. There’s nothing like them– and I’m so grateful.
However, like any kind of friendship, I’ve learned to be a little more discerning when choosing my mom friends. I’ve come to realize that they really do have the power to make or break me.
Here are 5 Types of Mom Friends To Avoid:
(By the way, these are general categories of people; I’m not talking specifically about anyone in particular. Deep breath– I’m not writing about you! 🙂 )
1. The ‘You Just Wait’ Type of Friend
This is the friend that loves to deliver the impending doom that is upon you.
You: “My son slept through the night for the first time!”
Friend: “That’s good, but you just wait til those teeth come in; you’ll never sleep again.”
You: “My kid is doing so great in 3rd grade!”
Friend: “That’s good. You just wait until 5th grade though. All the kids are a nightmare at that age.”
Have you experienced this?
You don’t need this in your life, mama.
I’m tempted to be this way at certain times, particularly with brand new moms. It’s hard when you see what’s ahead and feel a gossipy or even genuine need to tell them what to brace themselves for ahead. But the truth is, it’s not helpful to anyone to say it! If you know someone who does this occasionally, don’t worry about it. But if your friend does this at every turn, then repeat after me: “I’m sorry, but I have plans that day.”
2. The ‘My Kid’s the Best’ Type of Mom
We all think our kid is the best, but there’s an unspoken “mom code” that you aren’t allowed to say that to other moms.
It’s a great thing to celebrate your child’s accomplishments with other moms. But if you are friends with someone who insists on “one-upping you” with their kid at every turn, it might be time to say ‘adios.’
3. The ‘No Discipline’ Type of Mom
Another “no-no” on my list are moms who don’t discipline. I’m not talking about moms who have difficult children or are having an “off day.” I’m talking about the mom that NEVER addresses their child’s behavior or makes excuses for their child, even when it’s interfering or hurting mine.
4. The Gossipy Type of Mom
Gossip is a struggle for most people (myself included). However, if you’re friends with a frequent gossiper, you will become a frequent gossiper. I know this from experience. Avoid these friendships!
5. The “My Husband’s the Worst” Type of Mom
Have you ever met people who are always talking bad about their husbands? It’s hard to watch– regardless of whether or not it’s true.
In my life, my close mom friends are one of the best resources I have to help process my marriage and ask for guidance. Being honest is different than bashing.
All of this to say– none of us are perfect. We all fall into these traps or behaviors at some point. But if your friends are constantly modeling these behaviors, it will steal your joy. I guarantee it.
I want to encourage you– when you are looking for inner circle people– those ones who are in your heart and your days–choose carefully! Look for women of integrity who will challenge you to be a better person, wife and mother.
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